Question for Vijay Uncle

If a guy (call him unsure) is in his late 30′s and well settled in his career and is “seeing” someone, but it’s long distance so, technically don’t see each other often. They speak on a regular basis, and he makes the effort to call her…but he’s not sure about marriage. What should this female do?

a. Keep the options open and see other guys and tell the current guy?b. The guy (call him unsettled) is in his early 30′s and not sure about marriage because he is not well settled in his career. Is it right not to consider a guy at all who is not settled in his career?

Vijay Uncle: Let us talk about the unsure first. Here is the guy who is in his late 30’s, he is settled and still not sure if he is ready to marry or not! And I know a lot of guys like that. I think it is fine what he wants to do. But from a female perspective you need to figure out what you should do. The only person whose actions are under your control is YOU.

If you are in seriously looking mode, my advice is to “Run, Run, Run!” This loving caring man can be more hazardous to your health than some jerk you meet at a party. At least in case of the jerk your instinct would lead you to be proactive and move on.

He calls you on regular basis and that may come in your way to move on. Wishful thinking has burned many years of female life than you would like to admit. If you were his so-called girlfriend (if you are dumb enough to call yourself that) I would like you to look in the mirror and ask, “Dear, do you love yourself? If yes, why do you put up with the guy? What makes you think he is going to get in the game and make a decision in next month or a year or a decade? What about all the great guys you might be passing off while you are in wishful thinking mode for this guy? Are you really that desperate for this guy or you are also not ready to get in the mission to find the father of your future children?

My main concerns about this kind of ‘unsure guy’ are:
I don’t know if he is one of those guys who:
a. Can never make up his mind to commit
b. He may be too happy being single and is not sure if he wants to take the pain of commitment
c. He may be gay and in-a-closet so having a girlfriend may provide him a cover
d. He is meant to remain single for the rest of his life.

Regardless of what his reasons may be your job is to decide on your action. Frankly show him this post and ask his views on this one and go from what he says.

Message is clear – if this guy wants to chat that is fine. But go on serious guy hunting and move on. You are burning daylight – the ovum population is declining and sperms are losing their motility as we speak!!!

If you are one of those guys who is stringing a young woman for more than few months I would seriously love to hear from you and give me your perspective. Once you know she is in serious mode and you know very well that you are not the most decent thing to do is to tell her that I am not going to call you in your best interest.

Now let us talk about the unsettled guy: the one who is in his early 30’s. He is waiting to settle down before thinking of commitment and marriage. There are a lot of guys in this category.

Again what a 30 year old who is not quite settled in his job and career can do is to decide what he wants from life. I was married and fathered three children by the time I finished my surgical residency and my wife finished her residency. It was not a cake walk but looking back it shaped who we are today. You can get settled together as a couple and that is probably much better for relationship. My wife and I had many trying moments early on our marriage due to lack of resources but it was the vitamin that we needed. We managed those as a team.

What a seriously looking woman needs to know is: is this man playing waiting game, which is to mean that he is too comfy with the state of affairs. Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free? The question for you is, “are you also happy providing the free milk?”

So with this guy my suggestion would be to leave the ball in his court by telling him that you do find him a wonderful companion etc but he is too busy with his career at this moment. Should you in future be ready for commitment and I am still available, let me know. And move on. May be that is the kick he needs to jump start his battery. His answer can let you at least start looking elsewhere. Searching does not get any easier as time goes by.

Good Luck

   Author:Vijay uncle is the coolest Desi uncle in North America. He gives relationship advice and motivates youth to register to donate bone marrows.

  Sneha Sharma edited Vijay uncle’s article.