This particular truth is followed by many people I know, specially the Jains or Swaminayans, who due to their fundamental commitment to non-violence, would not even consider a wonderful prospect in every other way as a prospect for marriage only based on one deal breaker – he/she is non-vegetarian!

So let us examine this personal truth.

Frankly when I was looking many moons ago I would have never considered a non vegetarian woman even if she were the last woman on the earth. At that time it was my personal truth. However, I must admit one year after my marriage while being on call every other night at Boston City Hospital I was eating meat!

Of course I rationalized in my head as to I had no choice etc. Here is an example of how Vijay Mehta of 1972 was different from the one in 1973. Looking back it should not have been a deal breaker but should have been in my preferred list. Non violence I was seeking for can be met by many other ways too. As a matter of fact, I have met many Jains who are strict vegetarians but commit a lot more acts of violence than expected from them.

a. Diet preference is a changeable characteristic. We should be mindful of the fact that someone who is vegetarian today may chose to eat meat later and vice versa.

b. It might have been fine in my times in India where I had hundreds of women to choose from to be so picky. My finding someone with all the qualities plus her being vegetarian was extremely high. Now, few decades later and thousands of miles away, it would be safe to say that by requiring that your spouse must be a vegetarian you might be ruling out 85-90% of prospects.

c. I personally know so many women and men who after falling in love with strict vegetarian have on their own changed into being a vegetarian. This is fine because they chose to change. In any alliance both parties are going to change as long as it is done by the mutual consent rather than force. It leads to healthy relationship.

d. I also talked to a fine woman who has made a career out of body building. For her eating carbohydrate rich vegetarian diet probably is a difficult if not impossible task. I can see why it would be important to her to be able to eat meat.

e. What may need to happen is that both sides frankly discuss the disparity in this fundamental value in life and how they would solve it as a couple and how they as a team will deal with the rest of the family who also might have strong views on the issue.

Moral: The moral of this story is it is not an absolute deal breaker for most of us and it is absolutely possible for two spouses to have different diet preferences. My wife did put up with my eating non vegetarian diet for a few decades and on one fine afternoon in 2001 for some inexplicable reason I chose to become a vegetarian again. So I am a born again “Vegetarian” been there, done that and decided it was not for me!

Remember flexibility and adaptability is far sexier than good looks. These characteristics will serve you for a much longer period. Some of the most dangerous people I have met in my life were too smart but too dogmatic.

That should be Deal Breaker!

Author:Vijay uncle is the coolest Desi uncle in North America. He gives relationship advice and motivates youth to register to donate bone marrows.

Author: Sneha Sharma edited Vijay uncle’s article.