Luke saw her first time outside the “Sydney Smith” hall. She was standing on her toes trying to peep inside the wagon selling French Fries, through the high narrow window, waiting for the wagon guy to hand back her change.
That evening the unpredictable weather of Toronto was showing its rea colors. Sun and the clouds were playing hide and seek. Luke, would play with shadows by placing his feet on the darker side and then reverting back on his steps. It was a tough day. There were noises of first years leaving one classroom and running to the next. He was on his way to “Bora Laskin” law library. There were readings to be finished, assignments to be completed. And right there he was mesmerized by the pair of green eyes.
She looked towards him, as if it was a child’s play. Eyes mocking, lips smiling and inviting. “Hey you!”. He shouted without thinking. “Wait, Are you Anita’s friend?”
There was no Anita. Out of 204 seats, there were only 4 brown in his JD class. But still there was no harm. He wanted a friendly random conversation.
“Oh which Anita? The PSF one?Are you talking about Anita Sheikh?”
“Yeah, yeah, that one…” The stone had hit the target.
“So, you have midterms”?
“No I am done”. She smiled back…
The man in the wagon now shouted. He had finally found 50 cents and was eager to hand it back.
“Wanna have some fries?”
“This place sucks but I like fries…”
“Indian”? “Pakistani”? “Bengali”? “Hispanic”?
It was hard to tell from her face.

She had tied her hairs neatly in a ponytail, and was wearing T-shirt
with a random slogan pasted all over it.
“Define naughty”. The words on the t-shirt matched the twinkle in her eyes. She was full of life and happiness.
“Probably a senior 4th year student?”.
Luke made a rough guess…
“So you have seen me with Anita right”? We did this dance number o the annual fundraising thing?”
She was talking without any pause.
” yes… I remember”. Luke murmured.
Wait.. sorry I have to run for my class… she picked her backpack from stairs and vanished into the building”.
Luke stood there staring at the random encounter.
In the evening when he left for his small dingy apartment in annex, he went over the details. “Did she understand her glance, her undertone.”
Will he be able to find her again in this mammoth campus?
Does she have a boyfriend?
Is she conservative?
Then he laughed thinking that he was chasing a shadow. Like the shadows of the clouds.
The girl with green eyes disappeared behind the never-ending pile of assignments and work. He was looking for serious clerkships that summer. The April wind, her eyes, the hair piled up on the head, all went into oblivion.
Luke was not a chaser. He chased money, ambition, a good job on Bay Street but not women. He had learned that women chase men with all the above attributes. He had one high school relationship and one university affair on his record. Women were not a permanent thing in his life. Perhaps one day when he would have a proper job and a car, he would look for that woman. Woman who would carry his child. Listen to Beethoven and Chopin with him. Drink red wine with him, and would use his mother’s silver cutlery. A proper woman with soft manners. Now he added green eyes in that picture, smiling at him from the clouds hovering on his head.
Luke was a success story. Very few of his friends were aware that his permanent address was on Rosedale. He had gone to Upper Canada college and had done his undergrad from a small secluded liberal collage in America. His father was a partner in a major law firm on Bay Street.
No one knew what happened between them. One summer he packed all his belongings and moved out.
April turned into May and then June. The city dwellers stripped themselves out of their windbreakers. On sunny days, young girls running on the tracks became a common sight. And then he saw her again…This time in a student bar. Alone ,aloof , angry…
“Hey, you, naughty.”
He was also slightly drunk…
“Sophia”…
“Sophia DeSouza”
She repeated it…. in her own drunk voice.
That evening they randomly walked on the College street. They counted the stars. “Well there were no stars that night, just another illusion”. They walked towards Sydney Smith Hall to revoke that story. And sat there on the stairs.
“so …”
“I am in JD/MBA”. Luke said with a glint in his eyes. “Oh! you are the nerd. Wow.” Sophia murmured.
“I am third year math major, university college. And I want to teach physics. Wait, I want to Correct physics when I grow up.” That is how it started….
The university affair. Luke and Sophia DeSouza. She claimed that her green eyes were a gift from her English great grandmother, who was saved during the great mutiny by her great grandfather. She pronounced Mumbai , rather than Bombay. She was an international student, who had come to Canada to finally settle down.
“See, it is hard to get permanent residency in USA or England. But it is easy in Canada.”
Luke would wonder about that English great grandmother. There was nothing English about Sophia, except her name and her colonial English. She still used patrol pump other than gas station. She always fetched groceries from the dickey rather than trunk. And she drank chai rather than coffee.
“colonial… so colonial…”
Luke was enthralled. Mystery.. alive history…
They would go to concerts together. Luke was music major in his undergrad, then they would eat from any random place, stealing kisses here and there. It never went beyond that point. Kisses, hugs, phone calls….. And Luke hated it. He was used to women who would throw themselves at him. What kind of girl is she? “catholic”… Will they marry? How would their kids look like? Then Luke imagined curries instead of turkey on his table.
His friend would throw innuendoes at him.
“Is she playing a game?”
“Is there a boy friend…”
Probably she would have an arranged marriage, with funny makeup and heavy saris.
Probably he was just an experiment like her physics experiments.
He would wonder. Here and there. Bleeding with desire.
Summer came to an end. And Thanksgiving, came near..
He would hate Sophie and then would suddenly call her. Sophie….
“why are we waiting.” He raised the question one evening….”waiting for…”? she smiled at him.. Teasingly..
“you know what I mean”.
“You know I am catholic”. She answered him back…
It is 21st century… and I want you…he was stern and argumentative …
“it didn’t happen that night. Not even after that night…
It was again a drunken spree. They had gone out for bowling. One shot led to another. He had taken Sophie to his one room apartment.
“Now…?”She shouted at him , stripping teasingly .. And then… Luke stood there…
The young nubile body of the woman he supposedly love.
His father… there in his parents room, his nanny… green eyes… nakedness.. and that smile”.
His own washroom, him, the nanny.
Luke felt nausea. Past demons… He opened the door and moved into the balcony…some one was still smiling at him with green eyes.

Author:Sarah Zahid