Categorized | Satire

Taliban Have Taken Over Twitter

Posted on 05 May 2010 by .

Twitter should be very proud of getting ahead of facebook in helping the authorities in New York City to track down the suspect of the home-made car bomb.

A group that you-know-who claimed responsibility for making this home-made bomb to teach a lesson to the “Shatan’s” USA all the way from Pakistan.

Woohooo! Way to go man! I am thoroughly impressed! In a land where these days you have to ‘buy’ drinking water in scorching equator heat, there is no electricity for the most part of the day, where there is load-shedding of natural gas and no way to cook your meals, where there is hardly internet available (I know because I haven’t webcamed with my long distance boyfriend in over 3 weeks), these people living in rocky mountains have TWITTER! Gosh! Talk about the world being a global village and talk about being technologically savvy.

I wonder how they did that? Constructed a home-made computer by using the TV from 1940’s? Oh, my bad, they don’t watch TV there, only Satin appears on TV. So where did the computer come from? Maybe I am over looking things; the cell phone is the culprit!

One thing they do have in abundance in that over populated country is a lot of CONSUMERS! So they have millions of cell phones and millions of cell phone users and thousands of packages to choose from to call within the country (If only I were there, my long distance relationship would have reached a very mature level by now).

So, the cell phone companies don’t fight over No Contract advertisements and they always have more customers than they can cater to. Imagine this, they don’t even need any customer service; if the customer is not satisfied, he can leave and they will very easily have another one. I would love working for such a company where I can tell the really upset customers to f off! Now that’s a very successful capitalist society.

So, my best guess how Twitter got to them is through cell phone! You-know-who must have spent more than a year to learn how to use and make a Twitter account. But I am thoroughly disappointed!

How low have they stooped from their values, they are making use of the Satin’s device and Satin’s technology to pass on their message. Shame on them for being a part of the Twitter cult!

They were successful to keep their women inside the sacred boundaries of the homes away from the clutches of any sort of Satin shadowed western or eastern knowledge, they were successful to burn down the schools that were the breeding grounds to spread Satin’s words, they were successful to throw out the Jeans and Shirts, the Satin’s dress (oh wait, does Satin wear clothes?), they were successful to finally FIND the HOME of the Satin: the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, and now they have finally given up  their fundamental values. Those shameful people have used technology, tainted their innocent minds with the jargon of technology, learnt English, Satin’s language and OH MY GOD, even USED it to communicate. HOW SHAMEFUL!

They even got the recipe to make the home-made bomb off the internet. Tsk, Tsk Tsk. The Satin has taken over their minds. They will be forced to hell now and how badly would they miss those beautiful damsels that they were promised they would get in heaven. Those pretty women with big eyes and beautiful skin. How hard they try to keep away from them in this world and how badly they desire them in the afterlife. Hypocrites! Shameless people who have been taken over by the Satin.

I think they should point their guns towards cell phone companies. They seduced them with their cheap affordable packages and lured them into using the Satin’s technology and introducing them to the sins of Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.

Talking about YouTube, I really wonder if they are already enjoying the glimpses of those pretty damsels with big eyes on their little cell phone screens. I wonder if Sasha Grey has made her appearance or are they still content by just looking at Malika Sherawat? I really wonder.

But wait, I really feel I am living in the 16th century as compared to those technologically advanced you-know-who who are using the satellite internet. Why does my iphone (3GS) still lack a Twitter application? Holy Jesus (I mean Holy Allah), I need to hurry and update myself, I am soooo living in the tenth century.

But wait, how do you make a Twitter account again?

Author :Saniya Zahid

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