Categorized | Relationship

Love Letter From a Realist

Posted on 03 August 2011 by admin

 

Words cannot describe how much I love you, thus making the writing of a love letter that much more tedious and unnecessary. However, I understand that reading these words will mean a great deal to you.

Although, personally I feel a PowerPoint presentation empirically outlining the reasons for why I have selected you as a mate would be far more romantic. Such a presentation would provide you with valuable information that could lead to an increase in UOL (Units of Love). For example, your recent reduction in body mass has led to in increase of 3 UOL. However, the meeting of your family has led to a decrease of 5 UOL. Not to sound sappy, but despite your recent UOL performance I still feel that your love is a solid long term investment. God, I want to shake your hand so badly right now; firm and business like. Yeah girl, you know how Daddy likes it.

Below is a poem that I have written for you. The italicized writing under each line of poetry gives a literal interpretation of my sentiments. This precautionary measure ensures that you do not falsely over estimate your current UOL.

You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen.

Outside of severe mental delusion, this is statistically impossible. I have not encountered every woman in the world, and thus making such a claim would be unfounded in logic.

With each passing day I love you more and more

This is just untrue. Your recent performance shows a loss of 2 UOL. Shape up.

You are truly a gift from God

You are the result of biological entropy.

This is all straight from the heart

Both Wikipedia and Google were used heavily.

I will be with you forever.

The current rate of divorce is at 51%.

Twitter: @iambillal

Blog: iambillal.wordpress.com

By Billal Sarwar

Toronto

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