Categorized | Culture

Double Standards… Say What Now?

Posted on 29 October 2015 by admin

Well girls – listen tight, sit comfortably and get your reading glasses on. What I am about to tell you will either shock you or you’ll be agreeing with me so much that you’ll be gasping for air. And boys – some of you are probably going to hate me for writing this, but it’s time that someone set you straight. Remember throughout this article I say boys but I actually mean “some boys”, so please don’t bombard the comments section.

When you get to your mid-to-late 20s as a girl (not all girls but some), you start to think about the future and think “Hey, I think I want to settle down with a nice boy.” So you start looking. And as you put more effort into your appearance (M.A.C lipstick and all), you think “Ah this is easy. I am a nice decent girl. Any guy would be lucky to have me.” You become more open-minded to meeting new people and this is where you learn the most.

The above reflects me. Unfortunately, I’ve also met several individuals from the male species who have surprised me with their logic of something the cool kids nowadays call “double standards”.

What are “double standards” you ask? As Urban Dictionary puts it, it is “when a situation is desirable for one group but deplorable for another.” In the case of our Tamil boys, it’s “Enjoy now, settle later. But when it comes to marriage the girl has to be a virgin.”

You might think where is the logic in all this? Well you can look all you like because you won’t find it.

You might understand that virginity is important to a girl. Our back home mentality would say that kudumba maanam is hung up on a daughter’s virginity. As much as I am a huge fan of our culture and traditions, boys listen carefully: we don’t live back home anymore and it’s the 21st century. We are surrounded by people who don’t believe in the same things we do. It’s only natural for people to adapt, especially when they are into the 3rd or 4th generations after their parents moved here.

So boys let me get this straight. It’s completely acceptable for you to drink, smoke, have sex, gamble and other shenanigans. But none of the above are allowed to be done by your so-called future wife. I don’t know girls, if you ask me that makes total sense(!)

If you sleep with Tamil girls who you say the right things to and make them feel great and then leave – when it comes to marriage, trust me brother you won’t have anyone left. And to be honest, that serves you right. The saddest part is you would think boys with sisters, female cousins and girl mates would understand this. But you would be surprised.

If a girl wants to have sex, she will. That’s her right and her body. That doesn’t define her personality. I personally believe in sex after marriage not because of all of the above, but because I want it to be with that one person. And you might think I’m totally crazy, but I want my future husband to be the same. It is logical that I can expect that. If I can wait, someone out there can too!

To conclude, girls – this is where you have to spread the message and beware of these little fellas who probably don’t deserve you. They could tick all the boxes. But if that one box – “Could you imagine him being the father of your daughter or son” – isn’t ticked, you’ve got your answer.

Boys, this wasn’t an attack on your species – just advice that maybe you need to change your mindset a little and be a bit more open-minded. If you want to marry a virgin then be one. But don’t shut someone down just because they aren’t.

Hope you enjoyed this not so little article.


Your typical girl next door.

Disclaimer: All this is obviously my opinion, and if I mentioned anything above that hurt anyone’s feelings it wasn’t my intention to do so.


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