One of the most perplexing question I have had for years is this, “With all these hot looking and motivated women out there, why is the man-playing hard to get?” My initial reaction was that they are simply waiting for the perfect one. What if they are so afraid that post marriage life is likely to be more pain than gain?
In past 40 years Desi females have received an unparallel booster shot of empowerment – education -career – talent – independence- leadership-ability. No matter what attributes you are looking at, the gains made by Desi females have far outpaced those made by Desi men. So it stands to reason that paradigm of male/female roles in Desi marriages has to change too.
Gone are the days (my parents’ generation) where males were bestowed with the wisdom and the intelligence and an unchallenged authority. Next came females (my generation) who were raised knowing the social norm of male dominance. It was so ingrained in their psyche that they did not question the male dominance to the extent a western female would. However coming to North America allowed them to be as productive or sometime far more productive than their male counterpart. However these women by and large played a team role (even when she knew it that she was far superior and can easily show the door to the male). This allowed many men of my generation to have their male ego not bruised too badly.
Now let us come to the current generation. The male child was generally pampered and treated as if he was the God’s gift to family (after all he was going to maintain family name). He was raised with his mom treating dad with respect and dignity (it was more of a reflection of how mom was raised and what her norm of acceptable behavior was). So when this young man becomes an adult he does not realize that old model does not work at all. New woman is more expressive of her anger, displeasure, power and even love.
De-masculization of men is happening for past 40-50 years in the western world. The empowered and now fearless women started standing up for their rights. Law supported females more than males (to level the playing field). Mother got preference over the father. The testosterone driven behavior was criminalized or looked down upon. With the women’s liberation a generation of ‘femi-nazi’ came in to existence. So many westerners would drop their jaw when they saw how our women were so willing to take a back seat – some of it was good while other was bad.
Life is lot more about perception than reality. Your generation of males feels the shock and bewilderment because this drastic change happened in a short period of time.
Addressing this issue may be an important step towards encouraging many of the eligible bachelors who are standing on sideline for some time. I am working on “infra red’ discussion of this topic – any suggestions?
So here are the questions,
” Is it possible that modern Desi woman make it difficult or impossible for ‘a man to feel like a man?’
Could it be that reluctance to run to the ‘mandap’ may be in part due to the perceived notion that marriage will end the life as he has known it?
How can we evaluate this important issue during Infra red dating?
If it is any consolation to Desi men – consider yourself very very lucky. Look at your counterpart – white males. Over last few decades he has given up nearly 50% of educational achievement – 30% of corporate leadership to her. To add the insult to injury came highly motivated men and women from India and other countries! They have ceded so much both inside and outside the house. They have to marry the women who as a group are far less committed than Desi women. That is reality. So trick lies in figuring out a solution that both male and female can live with.
Author:Vijay uncle is the coolest Desi uncle in North America. He gives relationship advice and motivates youth to register to donate bone marrows














Sneha Sharma edited Vijay uncle’s article.

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